There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
