Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
