u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
