I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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