We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
