Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
