So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
