I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
