we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The adults are the big ones right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
