I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize