What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
vagina is talking i cant
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
