i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
