i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
