in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize