You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
