Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
