I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
