How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Even my vagina gasped.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
