Will you blow on my dice?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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