everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
