You're my little dorito
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
