no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
