my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
