My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
