so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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