Whats the glycemic index on semen?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
