..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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