I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
