yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
