We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
