it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
