How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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