Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
