me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
