dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
