K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
