mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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