I think my vagina is haunted
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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