i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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