I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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