She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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