Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
