woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
