So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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