what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
