im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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