Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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