So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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