If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
