i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
