Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
