sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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