went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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