So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
