I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
