he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize