I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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