his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
