I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
