Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
