pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
