Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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