Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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