i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize