And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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