I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
