So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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