I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
