no, he came in my armpit
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
