Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
