Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
