Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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