Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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