do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
