my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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