You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
