not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
