In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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