My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
