On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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