i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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