I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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