"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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