Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize