Life is so much better after having sex.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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