after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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