you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
