Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
