You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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