i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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