I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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