We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize