yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wear drunk well.
try to milk me bitch
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