Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
