is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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