whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
