After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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