My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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