I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
