im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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