I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
