so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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